Dad is now in a better place

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Heaven
Dad is now in a better place with no pain.

On Monday, September 25th, 2017 in the afternoon Dad quietly passed away, the last time I got to talk to him was Saturday morning when we got him up and he came out onto the deck.

My brother took this photo later in the day after Dad died. We thought it was going to rain and saw a rainbow across the river and then this. This is the view my dad would have seen from the porch on the night he died….this may be his welcome to heaven. It wasn’t the sun as that was behind us.

His pain became unbearable within 15 minutes Saturday morning and he wanted back in bed as that was the only place he could get out of pain. That was the last time he was conscious. Hospice came on Sunday and told us that he was in a coma……he seemed like he was in a deep sleep. Sunday marked 8 weeks since we had brought him home from the care center.

I’m not going to lie and say that it was easy taking care of him…….in the beginning, we both thought he could get better but the pain continued to be excruciating and it was difficult to get him to eat and drink. As he got weaker and weaker I found myself doing things I never thought I would be able to do, Dad said the same thing and was grateful that I could help. His wish was not to go to a nursing home and I was able to do that for him.

Many times I got frustrated and didn’t think I could do it any longer and several times I broke down. In order to cope I had to finally tell myself to remember when my children were small and kept me busy all the time. When it was nap time that is when I could clean house, read a book or……take a nap. Diapers, feeding…..it is no different no matter what age someone is.

It was May 15th when I first took him to the hospital and unfortunately……he was in pain all of time until we got Hospice. They were wonderful and so caring and made dads last days much more comfortable.

Monday was also the day that my grandson started college in Salt Lake City, Utah. His mom and grandfather drove him out, I had planned on going before Dad got sick. I have talked to him and he sounds happy, I can’t wait to visit him! Best of luck Xander, I love you!

XanKimBob
Tasha Jolly Bar

I have also been babysitting little Tasha (she is on a quilt I’ll be sharing tomorrow). She’ll go home today which will make Sadie happy. I have done little blogging and quilting in the last 5 months, it will take a bit before I get back into my routine and spend most of my time quilting again but don’t worry……I’ll be here!

Thank you for your prayers for Dad all this time and also for continuing to visit my blog!

Hugs,

Connie

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94 Comments

  1. It’s not easy when we loose someone dear. At least he is in a safe place, my prayer are with you.

  2. Connie, my heart breaks for you. I really admire that you were able to surround your Dad with so much love and caring and that you met his wish to stay at home. God Bless you and Bob!

  3. Conn=e, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you were able to help by keeping him out of a nursing home. And yes, Hospice is a great resource. Come back to blogging when you are ready. Hope you get to visit your grandson at college very soon. Hugs to you and your family.

  4. Connie, so sorry for you and your family that your Dad has passed on. Your decision to care for him and provide quality moments for him and your family right up to the last is a testament to your love for them all. Thank you for sharing the process and for your honesty. Take comfort that there are people from all over thinking of you and willing to support you as you blog or don’t blog as you need, and we all look forward to when you are ready to be back. xx

  5. My most sincere condolences to you and your family Connie! You are a good daughter………NEVER doubt that. You fulfilled your father’s wishes, and that’s all that could be asked for. Please take time for yourself to heal…..we will all be here.

  6. Connie, so sorry for your loss — my prayers are with you and your family! You are right — he is in a much better place!

  7. Beth Strand says:

    So very sorry for your loss.

  8. As hard as the work was, Connie, your dad knew you did it out of love and you will always be grateful that you were able to do it. Many prayers to you and your family.

  9. So sorry. I have been there with my mother, my beloved aunt and my evil mother in law. In each case, I was the main caretaker. It was not easy, but like you I learned I could do what I never thought I could. Now there is no one left. Only the next generation to care for!

    May you be at peace.

  10. Dawn Nelson says:

    Connie, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family during this time of sorrow and my prayers come for healing of your hearts.

  11. Connie, hugs to you and to your loved ones. I so appreciate you sharing about your dad! Blessings to all of you!

  12. Allison Evrard says:

    Connie, I was so sorry to read of your father’s passing. Your last few weeks have been so difficult, but you were such a blessing to your father. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  13. Oh Connie, my heart goes out to along with a big ole hug. You did a wonderful thing that not everyone can do(taking care of him in your home), bless you my friend. I am sure it was very difficult, but he appreciated you so much. And like you said he is in a better place and free of pain. He’ll be floating on the water in heaven. That picture is precious too. Take care.

  14. Sally Johnson says:

    Connie I am so very sorry for your loss, sending prayers and hugs your way

  15. Kathe Gardner says:

    I’m so sorry to hear that – you are a good daughter.

  16. Karen E Overton says:

    I’ve been AWOL from social media temporaily and I am so sorry that I am just now reading this. Please know that I am praying for your and your family during this time of loss. Karen O in TX

  17. Dear Connie, I have been where you are now. It is quite a transition, going from being needed constantly to suddenly not being a caregiver. I think that can magnify the grief in a way people don’t readily understand. I hope you’ll be able to take the extra time you find yourself with to get some much-needed rest, and perhaps find some comfort in quilting and doing things for yourself which were of necessity set aside. You’ll never regret the time you spent with your father. Know that many hearts go out to you now, and will be here as you move forward.

  18. Connie, my heart goes out to you and your family. Hugs to all!

  19. Oh Connie, Sorry I didn’t read this until now, my condolences…. Take the time you need, then back to quilting therapy 😉
    BIG Danish hugs from NC….

  20. Connie, I am so sorry for your loss. Knowing that he is no longer in pain is a blessing, but doesn’t ease the pain. I lost my Dad 24 years ago today and I still think of him daily. Sometime it brings a smile and sometimes it brings a tear. Prayers to your and your family!

  21. Chris Smith says:

    Connie, I am so very sorry for your loss, my heartfelt condolences to you and your family!

  22. I’m sorry for your loss Connie, and bless you for caring for him. I’ve been through a similar experience and know that it is difficult and heartbreaking to witness the pain and loss of independence. It’s also a gift of course, to be able to provide care and spend the final days with a loved one. But the loss is so sad. My prayers are with you.

  23. I am so sorry for your loss Connie! It is truly a beautiful photo your brother took.

    Good luck to Xander, beginning of a great journey.

    Warm hugs.
    -Soma

  24. Lynne Stucke says:

    I am praying for you and your family, Connie. I’m so sorry for your loss!

    I know (from experience, sadly) that you will never regret the time you ‘took off’ from quilting and blogging to care for your dad. Those are precious bittersweet memories that will only improve with time. . . . and we in bogland totally understand how important this is/was for you.

    Take care of yourself. Get some rest. We care, and are praying for you and yours.

  25. You did a wonderful thing by having your dad with you and something that will bring your great peace of mind. I know first hand how hard it is to care for someone who is seriously ill, but I know your dad was so appreciative of your commitment to his wishes to be with you at home. Hospice is so caring and helpful –there will be a reward for those loving people. Bless you in this sad time, and take time to rest and regain your momentum. Remember there is great rejoicing in our Father’s House as someone so loved is welcomed home.

  26. I am so sorry for your loss, Prayers to you and your family.

  27. My heart goes out to you in this difficult time. Surely your dad is in a happier place where he has no pain and is with family and friends that passed before he did. I wish you peace and comfort from above.

  28. Connie . . . You have truly earned your angel’s wings by caring for your dad in his last days. Now is the time to care for yourself both physically and emotionally, doing what feels right to you. Don’t rush the process; take all the time you need. Your blog enriches many of our lives, and we will be here and ready to receive it when you are ready to sew, quilt and write again. Blessings to you and your family.

  29. Sad..and sorry..guess we are at that age…there is blessing in being able to help the transition. I will be forever grateful…xox

  30. Connie, I am so sorry to hear that your father has passed. The passing of a loved one is never easy and can be very bitter sweet. We are relieved they are no longer in pain but we miss them terribly. You truly gave him a beautiful gift by being able to take care of him at your home. Though it was not an easy job, it speaks volumes about your love and strength. Sending lots of love and prayers to you and your family.

  31. Hugs to you Connie! It’s hard to go through I know. You will always have your memories with you of better times together. Take time to mourn and get back to everything else when you want to and feel like it. Hugs!!!

  32. So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience. The gift you gave your father over the last 8 weeks is priceless. God’s blessings to you and your family.

  33. Connie, I will add my sincere condolences to the long list already posted. As you know, I walked that sane road with my late husband, and I felt all the same emotions, frustrations, breakdowns as you did. I say, “well done, thou good and faithful servant.” You have earned your rest and recuperation. It’s a major and exhausting job, even if it’s born out of love–still demanding and exhausting. We will be here when you are ready to join in again. Peace to you.

  34. So sorry for your loss. As you said he is in a better place.

  35. Oh Connie, I’m so sorry to read this. Big hugs! It will be hard for quite awhile since your life was kept busy caring for him for awhile now and with him at home with you, I’m sure as you move around the house, you’ll keep feeling like he is going to be there to talk to. Aside from him being gone, that’s probably going to be the first thing you will have to get used to. You’ve done a wonderful job caring for your Dad Connie and no matter how rough it was on you, I know he was very proud and happy that you were able to do that for him.

    I’m sure you are missing him already, but that pain he was in is now gone and I know in your heart, that makes you feel much better. Seeing your loved one in that much pain daily is really hard. I remember how my Mom was as she was dying from her cancer. She didn’t live with me, but I was fortunate to be able to spend almost every day with her as I was off work due to a high risk pregnancy. Of course, I was supposed to be bed ridden at that point, but my Mom was important too and I knew she may not be around when I had my baby. Seeing her pain though was so hard so I know how you have been hurting every day to see him dealing with that.

  36. Liz Horgan says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. As difficult as it was, you were such a good daughter and you were able to fulfill his wish. He is in heaven now and I truly believe he can do much more for you now than he could when he was with you-he’ll always be by your side.

  37. Debbie Clarke says:

    Caregiving is a very difficult job, but one of love and sacrifice. Take time to get thru the pain of your great loss and to heal the grief. Take heart that you gave him the time and peace he desired. Many hugs.

  38. So sorry to hear about your Dad Connie. Glad that hospice could help with pain management as that is such an awful experience to watch someone you love in so much pain. Sending you big quilty hugs!

  39. Richard (in Charlotte, NC) says:

    So sorry for the loss of your Dad. My Dad will celebrate his 91st birthday on Saturday the 30th. He was diagnosed with MDS about 6 months ago and needs to undergo a second round of chemo treatments to see if he can rebound again like he did the first round. I know you must be tired and I hope you rebound shortly. Thanks for being here online.

  40. You have my deepest sympathy> I have gone through the same thing several times over with various family members. May the good memories you have of your Dad give you peace and comfort in the weeks and months to come.

  41. Connie Peace and prayers to you and your family.

  42. Sharon Vrooman says:

    Many blessings and gentle hugs in this time of loss.

  43. Kim from Calgary says:

    My thoughts and heart are with you at this difficult time. So thankful that your Dad is no longer in pain.

  44. Connie, may God bless your dad and your family. Like you said, he is in a much better place. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you pick up the pieces of your life and move forward. God Bless.

  45. Oh, Connie, I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. May he rest in peace. How wonderful that you all were able to have some time with him at the end, even though it was hard. Take care of yourself now, and don’t worry too much about the blog. We’ll still be here after you’ve had a chance to grieve and to catch your breath. You’re in all our thoughts. Mari

  46. Deborah Rhodes says:

    It’s been over two years and I sill wish my dad was here so hard to let go

  47. linda schiffere says:

    I am so sorry for your loss! He’s at Peace now … but adjusting to his absence will take time for you. Give yourself space to heal.

    My thoughts are with you.

    😉 Linda

  48. how blessed your dad was in his last few months of life to be with you. So very sorry for your loss. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts an dprayers.

  49. I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful picture and such a comforting thought.

  50. So sorry to hear of your dad’s passing. What a wonderful daughter you were to him, especially in the end. I am sure he was so appreciative . My thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

  51. I am so sorry about the loss of your Dad. I once read that ” grief is the result of loving someone you’ve lost.” God bless your family.

  52. My deepest sympathies for you and your family. Hugs and prayers during this time.

  53. I am so sorry for your loss. Your family will continue to be in our prayers during this difficult transition time.

  54. Hugs and Prayers. You made his last days the best they could be – something hard, but will always leave you with no regrets.

  55. Betty Lou says:

    Oh Connie, I am so sorry to hear of your dad’s passing, it’s been a long road that you both traveled and I hope you find peace in knowing that he is no longer in pain. Your were such a good daughter and caregiver and remember you did all that you could. Give yourself some time to heal, I know I was through this just 11 months ago. Hugs

  56. Marcie Redeker says:

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Love and hugs

  57. Dear Connie,
    I’m so sorry for your loss but your dad really is in a better place now. I hope you will take comfort knowing how much you were able to do for him. How much better to be at home with family and loved ones than in an institution surrounded by strangers. I am sure he really appreciated that.
    Now, take the time that you need to grieve and to reconnect with whatever routines bring you peace and happiness.
    Please accept my condolences for you and all of your family.
    Hugs,
    Pat

  58. Sorry for your loss! Praying for you and your family! Take time for yourself and catch up on rest youself!

  59. Lisa Marie says:

    So sorry for the loss of you Dad, Connie. Even though you know he is now pain free, it is still hard to lose one we love. We’re never quite ready are we? I hope knowing that you cared for him when he needed it brings you some sense of peace.

  60. I agree he is in a better place and he’ll be watching over you. It may take awhile for you to feel him, but watch for the signs and you’ll k.now he is still with you. Sending positive thoughts and prayers to you and your extended family. I know suchop a loss is not easy. Big hug.

    QuiltShopGal
    http://www.quiltshopgal.com

  61. I am very sad to read this post, and yet relieved because your dad is now pain-free. It must be a hard loss. My condolences.

  62. Connie, it matters not how old they are, the grief we feel is heartfelt and painful. I’m so sorry for your loss, but happy he is no longer suffering such unbearable pain. You did all you could to fulfill his wishes and can comfort in that. The photo is beautiful and would make a lovely addition to the photos usually seen at the wake, especially if you caption it as you did above.

  63. Brenda Ackerman says:

    Hello Connie; I am very sorry for your loss of your Father who was a special part of your life. I will keep you and your family in my prayers as you go through this difficult time.

  64. Sad for your loss but glad he is in a better place with no pain. May your good memories comfort you. Hugs.

  65. You made you fathers end of days so much better for him. Bless you Connie. I’m sure your father appreciated everything you did for him and I’m sure he is still close by to help you through this hard time.

  66. Kathleen Kingsbury says:

    So sorry for the loss of your dad. I know it was hard work taking care of him at home, toward the end especially. But I bet as you look back on it you will think it wasn’t really that hard. Because you did it from love. The picture your brother took is definitely your father crossing over and showing you his happiness. God bless you and your family.

  67. Carol Hydeman says:

    I am deeply sorry for your loss but I truely believe he sent you a sweet message that evening. Please take all the time you need to grieve and heal. Sweet repose for your dad and peace to you all.

  68. Condolences to and your family Connie and a comfort hug sent as well.

  69. The last few months have been difficult for you and your family. You did the right thing and respected his wishes. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. That bright light in the clouds is him letting your know he’s at peace and in a better place. We will all see you when you are ready to share your wonderful talent ..Hugs ..

  70. Christine Sherman says:

    I’m very sorry for your loss. Prayers and hugs to you.

  71. This is such a peaceful and beautiful photo to remember the passing of your dad. Connie your care of him was beyond amazing and you gave him peace and love like no facility could have done. May your memories bring you comfort. Heaven has gained an Angel. Hugs my sweet friend. XO
    Congratulations to Xander on his college journey. Salt Lake City Utah is amazing. <3

  72. Pat Evans says:

    My sympathies go to you and your family. Your Dad is now at peace and you will always be glad that you were able to make it possible for him to be home with family. So glad you were able to get him out on the boat that one last time. Now you need to take time for yourself and heal your mind and body. We’ll still be here whenever you’re ready.
    Pat

  73. My deepest sympathies! You were such a blessing to your dad, to be able to care for him at home as he wanted. Hospice was such a blessing for us when my mom was dying of cancer many years ago. They were able to keep her comfortable, but also helped me cope.

  74. Dearest Connie, I have thought of you often during the last few months knowing how difficult your situation could and would be. I have lived this and I am an advanced practice nurse, I have great admiration for you. You have done a wonderful thing for your Father. His last days were spent with you, not in an institution. No matter how well the care is delivered, it is not home, it is not family. For the rest of your days you will know that you did your best. Many people cannot say that, many people have great regrets for not having done this. That said, it does take some time to re-center yourself in your own life. Take care of yourself, take some time, we will all still be here. (((hugs)))

  75. I so enjoy your blog and you sharing your life with us. (especially your lovely creations). I understand the difficult but rewarding few months you’ve just had with your dad and see that he appreciated that time together with you. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time but hope you find solace in the time you did have together. Hang in there! mary in Az

  76. Sorry for your lost. He is with his Heavenly Father and watching over you.

  77. Connie, My sincerest condolences. Losing a parent is so tough. It took me a year to get past the passing of my Mom. But when you have fond memories to look back upon, it helps so much.

  78. Kay E Smith says:

    God be with you and your family at this time.

  79. So sorry to hear about your dad’s passing. He is out of pain and in a much better place. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family at this time of sorrow.

  80. Jacqueline Hale says:

    My condolences for the loss of your dad. Prayers going up….

  81. So sorry for your loss.

  82. Just know you did all you could to help him through his transition. Sending hugs and prayers.

  83. It is so hard to take care of someone on constant pain and getting weaker. I’m happy to know you were able to take care of him as long as you did. You are a very strong person. Condolences for your loss.

  84. Connie,
    I am SO sorry for your loss. Do not worry about a scheduled return date. You will be back when you feel you can. Prayers for peace for you and your family.

  85. Oh, Connie, I’m so sorry for your loss. Caring for a loved one like that is such a difficult undertaking, but a deep source of love. Take time to heal and relish in the love and support of your family around you. Quilting will come in due time. (((HUGS)))

  86. Joyce Carter says:

    I am so sorry for your loss Connie. I pray you will find peace and comfort in your heart knowing he has gone home and will suffer no more.

  87. Lori Smanski says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers for all of you

  88. So sorry for the loss of your father. Praying for you and family at this time.

  89. paulette whitfield says:

    my prayers are with you & your family
    PW